Friday, January 16, 2009

Week In Review: 01/16/09

I'm going to blame my inability to think in anything more than short, stumbling grunts this morning on my last glass of Chianti last night, because I know it didn't have anything to do with any of the glasses before the last one. What does that have to do with "The Karate Kid"? Nothing, but I'll get there...

Last night (pre-Chianti) one of my contact lenses ripped in half... Strange thing is, it happened while it was in my eye. This morning, my glasses broke. Strange thing is, it happened while they were on my face. Common denominator to both incidents? Me. Strange things happen to strange people, I guess. Fortunately I had a spare pair of contact lenses and was able to fix my glasses. Unfortunately, I don't particularly like wearing contacts, and the Super Glue it took to repair my glasses isn't really making a fashion statement. It's not exactly tape on the bridge or a shattered lens, but it's definitely more Bakersfield than Beverly Hills. Not that I'm ever Beverly Hills, but if I ever make it back to Bakersfield, it'll require a lot more than Chianti.

No matter how awkward I feel, it can't compete with how Ryan Seacrest must have felt after trying to high five a blind guy on "American Idol" Tuesday night.

Speaking of momentarily losing one's self, a study was released this week and the findings suggest that drinking coffee decreases the probability of Alzheimer's and dementia in later life. I drink a lot of coffee. I guess I'll have to wait few decades for the dementia to go away. If you clicked on the link to the findings above, you no doubt saw this picture (and recognize that cup as espresso, not coffee):

I'd like to report my own findings: Smoking cigarettes with your coffee also decreases your probability of Alzheimer's and dementia in later years. How? By decreasing your chance of making it that far.

NAMM is this weekend in Anaheim. I'm doing what any logical person should do: Leaving the state of California altogether.

And on to "The Karate Kid"... If you think I'm long in the tooth, try ESPN columnist Bill Simmons on for size. Or you can just let me cut-and-paste a brilliant analysis he made in his column this week. He was watching the Eagles/Giants playoff game last Sunday and, in the waning minutes, was clearly about as into it as I was when he found a "Karate Kid" marathon (yes, all four movies!) on the ABC Family channel. We'll now join his story in progress...

"Just as it was becoming apparent Eli [Manning, Giants quarterback] had a better chance of eating one of the goalposts, digesting it and crapping it out than of throwing a decent pass in the Giant Stadium wind, 'Kid II' was finishing up and 'Kid III' was looming. So all wasn't lost. I spent the next hour trying to find similarities between Eli and Daniel-San, ultimately coming up with seven: Both wanted to live in Jersey over California; both possess the hard-to-explain ability to tick people off (even complete strangers); both won championships as huge underdogs that, in retrospect, make absolutely no sense whatsoever; both received serious officiating help during those titles (Eli for the various holding infractions during the Helmet Catch that weren't called, Daniel-San for winning the All-Valley Karate title on an illegal kick to the face); both have terrible body language when things are going badly for them (to the point that you lose all hope pretty much immediately); both had signature moments that were surprisingly similar both in stature and surprise (the Helmet Catch and the Crane Kick); and both eventually found forbidden love with a 65-year-old Japanese war veteran. Oh wait, that was just Daniel-San. Sorry, Eli."

Don't be afraid to say it, Bill Simmons is something of a genius... Not convinced yet? In said column, he also admits to counting the points, rebounds and assists of one of Michael J. Fox's teammates (#45) in the final basketball game in the movie "Teen Wolf." Gotta love it!

Finally, what's any mention of "The Karate Kid" without taking a moment to acknowledge the second installment's theme song, and Peter Cetera's first solo release since departing the band Chicago? Incomplete, that's what! Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the video for "The Glory of Love," complete with Peter Cetera's great hair, the movie's gripping footage, and more mushy lyrics than Celine Dion could shake her stick figure at:

EYEGLASS UPDATE: It's been about six hours since this post went up, and I've already had to glue my glasses back together twice. How is it that Super Glue can hold a car in midair on the package and in their logo, but can't hold the frame of my glasses to the rim of my lens?

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